Flogger

Almost three weeks ago, Miss had given me a description of a flogger she was looking for. Essentially its a three tail flogger. I did some research and found something similar to what she had described to me over the phone.

I sent her a picture via MMS. She confirmed that it was close but not quite what she wanted. Anyway, I thought it couldn't hurt to order it regardless. I finally recieved it in the mail yesterday. I would dearly love to present this to Miss when we meet sometime in the future. Situation permitting I see myself kneeling before her as I respectfully present it to her.

Surprise

After I published the post title "feeling upset", Miss had ignored all my texts, emails and basically terminated all manner of communication with me. I realised my error even before the silent treatment had started. The first 2 days of being ignored were absolutely torturous. On the second day I published another post "silence" wondering whether I would ever hear from again. In this post I also made an attempt at apologising to Miss and hoping for her forgiveness.

To my utter disappointment, I noticed that she had ignored this post too. I was left absolutely dejected and by the 4th day I had resigned myself to the fact that I had lost any chance of reconciling with her. Even so, I still maintained a slight glimmer of hope that she may find just a tiny bit of compassion to give me one more chance...but I wasn't holding my breath on it.

Throughout these days I would think of her and the conversations we had. Her sweet voice would play in my head wanting to hear it again. I deliberately avoided reading any or our text message and email exchanges as that would just compound my sad feelings of rejection.

This morning, I woke up to the phone ringing. It was from Miss!!! I jumped to answer it...to hear her voice again was just amazing. She politely asked if she woke me up. I told her that was not a bother by any means. I was just delighted to hear from her and listen to her voice again :)

As usual, the conversation was very short as she had to abruptly hang up. But this time I was still smiling on the other end. I quickly sent her a text message to thank her.

Me: Thanks for calling Miss. So nice to hear from you :)


Miss: Perhaps I was too harsh


Me: And I was a bit rash :)

After an almost unbearable week of her punishment I have learnt a very harsh lesson. I am very thankful to Miss for reconsidering my service to her. If she were standing before me I would be kneeling before her and kissing her feet in gratitude. But for now, this is the best I can do.

Silence

After my last post about getting upset, Miss has not returned any of my text messages nor made any comment about the post. She has also so far ignored my email that I sent with information about some of her likes.

I do understand that Miss would be disappointed in my moment of Madness that I displayed in my last post. Rather than getting upset I should have trusted her judgement on the decision to meet or not. Up until this point I had been advocating the need for patience and had mostly done a good job of it. In one instance I appear to have undone all the hard work, trust and respect I had built with Miss over the last several weeks.

Unfortunately I cannot take back my words. The only thing I can do is to continue working on the tasks she has assigned to me and hope that Miss would find it in her heart to forgive me for my stupidity. With this post I would also like to sincerely apologise to her for disrespecting her.

I would like to assure Miss that this will never be repeated. I always learn from my mistakes and assure her that it will not happen again. Her silence is really punishing and a very harsh lesson. I can only hope this is temporary and not permanent.

Please Miss I am so sorry for what I said in my last. If only I could get one more chance to make things right, I would be very grateful for your kindness. I will always accept whatever information you give to me as sufficient to my knowledge. It is not my place to question your manner of communication. As your sub and potential cuck it is I who needs to be able to work around it.

I hope I do hear from you again real soon Miss.

Feeling Upset

Late afternoon yesterday at 4:45 PM, I looked at my phone and saw a missed call from Miss at 3 PM. There was also a notification of voicemail and a text message from her. She left me a message to say that she would be visiting my city today and to call her back.

Naturally I called her back but couldn't get through so I replied to her text.

3:00 PM

Miss: called

got voicemail

meet me early am?

do you drive?

4:45 PM

Me: Sorry...missed your call. Was in a meeting. Do excited you are coming to 'city' :) yes, I drive. What time will you be here?

A couple of hours later....

6:10 PM

Miss: morning again

how early can you do?

At 6:22 PM I called Miss to sort out a time to meet. She answered only to tell me she couldn't talk at the moment. So I text her back with my preference.

6:26 PM

Me: I get home at 2.30 am tonight. So around 10 would be good. Does that suit you? Please call me later if you can. Just txt before calling so I will be ready.

At  7:05 PM for the next 10 mins we had thins exchange.

Miss: too late

Me: I can meet earlier. Whatever time suits you.10 was just a preference. What is the latest you can do? Are you spending the day in 'city' it just transit?

Me: Are you spending day in 'city' or just transit?

Miss: not spending a day

i have an appointment at 8 am

Miss: but missed connecting train so may not even make my flight

Me: :( hope you make it. Were you looking to meet after your appointment or before?

Miss: before

Me: Sure...I can do that. Just let me know where.

Miss: wouldnt park though

could prob go w to appt

Miss: airport

Miss: if i make flight

battery flat

Me: Sorry...I am confused. You'd like me to take you to the appt or airport or both? Or have I got it all wrong?

Then there was nothing until 3 hours later 10:15 PM

Miss: i can take train in

Me: Not sure what you mean. Are you in 'city' now?

Me: Trying to call you. Can't get through. What time would you like to meet & where. It would be nice to know in advance so I can be ready.

There was to be no more communication last night.

With that last message I went home after work with a sinking feeling that we were not going to meet. I was a little bewildered at the lack of clarity in the communication. Over several text messages and attempts to speak on the phone I was unable to get time-lines of her visit. I still did not know when she would arrive in 'city' and how much time she would spend. Owing to this lack of detail I was unable to suggest the most appropriate time to meet. This made me feel quite frustrated to the point it got me upset.

I felt upset because I couldn't help but feel that there wasn't enough information forthcoming on her part to plan our meeting properly. Yes, it was her that first suggested we meet and I am very thankful for that. However, I felt that were there more detail given to me in the communication, we could have planned it better.

Early in the morning today at 7.30 AM I received a message confirming what I feared last night

Miss: sigh

maybe next time

again

Me: :( you dont have any time after your appointment?

Miss: no

Me: Maybe we'll be 3rd time lucky. The chocolates are still waiting :)

Me: So am I Miss :)

Miss: next time will probably be normal notice

this time was a day

normal is less than 2 hours

Miss: ciao

Me: Next time I only get 2hr notice to see you?

I really did not know what to make of the comment about 2 hr notice and again felt quite confused. Anyway, I did not dwell on it too much.

At 9.20 AM

Miss: leaving 'city' now

next visit at the earliest 6 weeks

After this I was able to catch up on some much needed sleep. After I woke up I felt a lot more composed about my feelings. Going over the time stamps of our text messages, I was able to come to a conclusion that Miss possibly arrived in 'city' after 10 PM last night. I would not finish work until after midnight, so there was no possibility to meet then. She had an early appointment at 8 AM. Even though she was considering meeting before the appointment I realise that would be pushing it. Going by her last text at 9.20 AM today it is evident that she really did not have time after the appointment.

Having come to this conclusion I felt that Miss was on a very tight schedule and therefore meeting up was indeed almost possible. I felt a lot better after this. However, I still feel that if this were clearly communicated to me instead of me having to draw conclusions, I would never felt frustrated or upset. Instead I would have been very understanding and mature about it as I am now.

Anyway, I am glad to be over those negative feelings so I can now go back to doing things that make Miss happy. She has given me a lot of information about things that interest her. I need to process all this and document it in an easily accessible format. Miss has made me responsible for researching performances, shows, festivals, exhibitions etc that are taking place in cities that she visits. I am to find such events and advise her of timing/place etc so she may make a decision on whether she would like to attend or not.

There is more to my duties than just looking for opportunities of entertainment. I am also to look out for stuff she enjoys indulging in (massages, spas etc) and then other things that help her get through day to day work and make her life easier. I hope to do all of this and make her happy with my service.

Again, my mind casts back to the point of communication. To serve her well and in a timely manner I would need to know more details about her trips especially with regards to destinations and timing. I do realise she is extremely busy and sometimes unable to take the time for lengthy chat. Therefore, perhaps I am over reacting. Unfortunately it is just how I felt at that moment. 

It took me lot of deliberation to decide to post these feelings here. Eventually I figured that not all our interactions will be positive. Like any relation, there will be some unpleasant situations. It is important to express these so they can remedied if possible. Miss wanted this blog to be about my feelings and thoughts. Therefore, I thought it was appropriate to post this here. 

Very early in our interactions we decided to base this relation on mutual respect. So, I hope we can discuss this in a sensible manner and strengthen what we already have today.

I am still locked up since wed night. I wonder when Miss would allow me release.

Changing Dynamics

Woke up to this message from Miss.

Miss: breakfast of femdom.

 

Miss: when your device is on let me know andi will send you pic


Miss: Lovely breakfast Miss. Just what you deserve :) thank you so much trusting me with the pics. I was very concerned about it this morning when we spoke. I would never compromise your privacy. I know exactly how you feel. I have felt the same paranoia for many years.


Me: I will happily lock myself for you :)


Miss: here she sends me an amazing picture of her in a bikini.


Me: Wow Miss. Amazing!!! Now I know why you wanted me locked up. I will let you know as soon as it is on.


Me: Miss...I have to be at work a bit early to attend a meeting. I am finding myself short of time. May I lock up after I return from work later tonight?


Miss: ok if no play


Me: Thank you Miss. You are the best :) promise no play at all.

I got the vibe that this time she was more serious about me locking up. She had on one occasion suggested I lock up but at that time I didn't sense the assertion from her. I can't explain it but for some reason it felt very serious time. She was still understanding enough to give me time until i returned from work.

I would be lying if I didnt say I was looking forward to this change in her attitude. As a submissive that loves to please his Dominant, I also enjoy the challenge it poses. If there was any doubt about how serious she was, it was quickly dispelled by her next text message. I’ve highlighted this in RED as this is a key moment that will decide where things as now heaed. This moment of truth is now upon me.

Miss: you will start serving as a cuck too
learning my likes
start a file
add this spa

Me: Yes Miss. I will. I am going through all sorts of emotions as you used that word 'cuck' on me. I am also very nervous for the first time talking to you. I can sense the dynamics changing and your dominance stepping up.


Miss: i know youre less composed on the phone so looking forward to a post breakdown of those emotions
today


Me: Certainly Miss. All details will be on the blog. Today has been a big day.

Well...where do i begin...all those emotions I wastalked about earlier in my blog are all coming back. Only this time they feel real. I am nervous, in fact very nervous that my cuckolding fantasies are getting closer to reality. As soon as Miss said I was going to start serving as her cuck, my heart literally skipped a beat. I felled jolted, afraid and also aroused. Even though Miss had ordered me not to play I couldn't help stealing a little touch at this point.

I quickly regained my composure and tucked myself back in. No more playing. I am very nervous and excited about what is to come. We have been talking to each other about cuckolding for a month now. However it was never discussed that she actually take me on as her cuck. Even though I actively fantasised about it and also openly wrote about it earlier in my blog, I was too afraid to bring it up when we spoke on the phone or texted via sms. The phrase "be careful what you wish for " would always come to mind.

Will I be able to cope being a real life cuckold to Miss or will I fail miserably? This is so new to me and I am really not sure what to expect. I know Miss is a very understanding lady and knows to take things slow. With her guidance I hope I eventually turn out to be just the good little cuck boy that she is looking for. I am under no illusion that this is going to be easy by any means.

As a starting point she has given me a list of things she likes to do and also some of her interests. I am to make a list and be mindful of the cities she will be traveling through the week. I am to research her areas of interest and suggest things she might like to do when there. I am also to be of help looking up flights and accommodation for her；find performances like comedy, music, ballet etc for her to attend；make a list of massage parlors and spas for her get pampered at. This is but a small list of things.

I look forward to building my experience as a cuckold.

I have now returned home from work and as ordered by Miss, I am once again locked in Chastity

Amazing Feedback

Recieved these text messages from Miss very early in the morning. It just makes your day when you have such a happy Miss :)

Miss: http://cuckdreamin.blogspot.com.au/2012/03/unexpected-pov.html?m=1like


Me: You up early :) love it when you like it :)


Miss: http://cuckdreamin.blogspot.com.au/2012/03/miracle-dress.html?m=1also like
the random variety and varying post lengths and types lends authencity to your journal that maries lacks

If you have been following the blog from from the beginning you will know that Miss had tasked me with reviewing an online diary called Maria'sDiary. This feedback makes everything I have put into the blog so worth it. I am really proud that Miss feels this way. 

Me: Wow...you don't know how huge a compliment that is...thank you :)

Miss: http://cuckdreamin.blogspot.com.au/2012/03/face-time.html?m=1thats right
most subs dont understand this
your actions over time demonstrate your integrity
and our interactions prior to meeting development the playground
until then foolish to visit

Another amazing comment by Miss. It made me so happy that she is enjoying my remote submission to her so far. I was absolutely elated to read those words from her...more than I can express here :-)

Me: Thank you Miss :) all this blogging has been so worth it to read these words from you.

Miss: good

I have all the motivation I need to keep this blog up to date and interesting.

My Submissive Core

Over the previous posts I have talked a lot about what drives me as a submissive; what my fantasies are; even talked a bit about my experience. With this post I felt like showing what I mean. Obviously I could not produce real life pics of me but I did manage to find some femdom art that typifies my submission in the most simplest of manner.

I have divided them into two sections to signify the two major aspects of my submissiveness (Submission and Reward)

Submission...Where I Belong

Where I hope to belong is at the feet of my Dominant lady. I belong there not because I consider myself lowly or worthless. On the contrary I consider myself to be an intelligent, confident and diligent submissive who has a lot to offer his Mistress. She will be a very intelligent and caring lady who I will treat as my Goddess. There will be mutual respect between us for the smart and self confident individuals that we are.

Miss and I have discussed this aspect of a sub having self worth as a person. Whilst I submit to her I also feel I must have her respect as a person. I can only earn that respect if I value myself as an individual. Not only do I wish to serve her but I wish to befriend her. So I am glad Miss and I agree on the point of mutual respect.


I adore foot worship and love to pamper a pair of clean and well manicured feet. The form of foot worship I subscribe to is to show my love, affection and respect for the lady as opposed to feeling humiliated. I do not fantasize about cleaning dirty feet with my tongue. Instead, I kiss feet and suck toes to make love to them. As a submissive I feel this is where I start to show my devotion to my Mistress and therefore this is where I belong.

Miss was very generous to send to me a couple of pics. Here is one showing  one of her feet. With Miss's permission I am posting it here.

That is where I hope to belong. At her Feet.

My Ultimate Reward

Every D/s relationship is different and so are the rewards. Some relations are more strict than others, some are high protocol while others have a more casual and playful tone to the D/s dynamic. Relations also differ on the basis of sexual involvement between the Dominant and submissive. As an aspiring cuckold, I am not one to expect much sex (if any). However I do crave intimate oral body worship and consider this to be my ultimate reward for good service.

I realise this is something I would have to work hard for and it is something I am prepared to do. This is the carrot that drives my submission. I have earned this reward in the past and hope to do so again. If I can please my Dominant enough to earn this, and at the same time earn her respect, love and affection as a partner, she would be able to own me mind, body and soul. I hope one day to find such a Lady.

Here is another picture of Miss that she was kind enough to send to me. As soon as I saw this I found myself wanting to be worshiping her in the most intimate way. I know this reward is a long long way away. But this is what I hope to earn by constantly pleasing her with my deeds and service.

'Miss' is Back!! :))

Its Monday (Day 6 of chastity). I have been locked up since Wednesday and all through the weekend now. I woke up to the sound of my phone ringing. It was Miss calling. I jumped up to answer the phone. Even before I answered I knew she had cut short her stay at the retreat.

She filled me in on how it was and why she left early. Well, whatever her reasons, I was pleased to know she was back. I asked her if that meant I get an early release too. She did not hesitate to say I 'could' as she saw no point in me staying chaste any longer. Even though I was coping well, this was a a big relief. Had she not wanted to let me out, I would have just as happily stayed under lock until the end of this week.

But anyway, who am I to argue with Miss when she wants to be nice to me; that would be quite silly. She was at a doctors appointment and waiting her turn when she called. As is mostly the case, we couldn't chat long. As she hung up I quickly unlocked myself. The device did need a good internal cleaning. As I have mentioned before, this is the most concerning part about chastity. I find that after a week of wearing the CB6000, it really must come off for a proper cleaning of the entire groin area and also a full internal cleaning of the device. Anyway, this is a topic for another day.

So after I cleaned myself, naturally I started to pleasure myself. It took a bit of massaging to get the blood flowing and also to take some of the soreness away. Soon I was rock hard and bursting to cum. I edged a few times to make it an explosive orgasm. My cock was leaking with precum; I kept myself on the edge for a while longer. I used the two images of Miss holding the used condoms for visual stimulus (not that I needed any), but those pics always blow my mind....not to mention my load :)

Having stayed on the edge for almost 10 mins I couldn't take it any longer and exploded into some bunched up tissue paper. That felt amazing. It was not just the orgasm that was amazing. The whole experience and ritual leading up to it is what made it so special...
...Starting with me locking up in support of Miss's time away; the diligent work on the blog to have it up to date for her return; the wake up call from Miss giving me permission to release; the visual stimulus from her pictures...all of these elements made this orgasm extra special...Thank You Miss :)

As soon as I came, I wanted to text her and let her know. But then I recalled how annoyed she got with my constant messaging about my uncontrollable hard-ons last week. I decided against it and thought it would be better to post about this on the blog where she can read at her convenience and where I will also be able to express myself in more detail giving her a full account of my feelings and emotions.

Chastity

As Miss took her journey to the retreat, I locked myself and promised to only free myself on her return. Here is a brief account of my time in Chastity.



Day 1

Before I locked myself, I thought it would be wise to completely drain myself. I figured it would help go through the first 2, perhaps3 days without much discomfort.

I use baby oil at all possible locations where it makes contact with the skin. Especially the back ring that goes around the balls needs to be well oiled. This prevents chafing; it also helps in easily and discreetly adjusting the device, particularly when you just sit down. I also take an ear bud and try to clean as much of the inside as I possibly can. More than the arousal, I find the hygiene aspect of long term chastity most concerning.

All this takes about 20-25 mins and this is time I have to account for when getting ready for work.


Day 2

I was still getting used to the device hanging on me. So far no major erections that have caused any discomfort. The last minute draining was quite helpful. I expect this to change over the coming days


Day 3

My sleep was disturbed a couple of times as the device was causing some discomfort. With a little ajustment it was all sorted. I had a busy day at work so there was not much time to think about the device. I survived the day without any uncomfortable erections.

The weekend is going to be a big test as I will be at home most of the time


Day 4

The weekend is here. I am missing communication from 'Miss' Over the last month I have gotten used the daily texts from her. Her short and sometimes vague messgars are something I always look forward to everyday. Hope she is coping well with the restrictions at the retreat.

I'm still coping well with my chastity. The device is almost becoming part of me and somtetimes I forget its there. I know this cant last too long. This is my 4th day and soon the frustration is going to build.


Day 5

Still no major erections breaking sleep. I've been avoiding my daily dose of porn.  At midday on day 5 I was starting to feel a bit horny. Wish I could play with my cock. Its a surreal feeling looking down at your cock all locked up in a piece of hard plastic. On several occasions I found myself standing in front of the full length mirror just staring at it.

The rest of the day went without incident. I kept myself busy by working on the blog and making sure it was up to date by the end of the week. Its amazing how much work I got done on the blog while locked up. I have caught up with all back dated posts and will now be posting everything real time.


I was able to utilise both my hands, not to mention my mind and fully devote these resources to the blog as opposed to wasting my time playing with myself (as I usually do). Miss will be pleased with the progress on the blog when she returns...and that is what this all about...pleasing her...I love to see her smiley messages :)

Hopefully soon I will see her pretty smile for real...I look forward to that day with great anticipation.

Miss going Away

Date of occurrence : 14-Mar-12   

I knew from a journal entry made by Miss 2 days ago that she was going to be away for a couple of weeks sometime soon. I did not have any details about it though.

Miss called this morning. I asked her how her dinner party went last night. I was very pleased to hear that it was a success and everyone enjoyed the dinner. Miss then gave me some details about her exile of sorts. She was going to be away for 11 days at a retreat starting this evening.

At the retreat she we will be going through intense sessions of meditation. Apart from that there will be dietary, wardrobe, speech and eye contact restrictions do adhere to. I was amazed that she would want to go through with this. I learnt that this is something she had wanted to experience for many years.

I wished her all the very best and hoped she came out stronger on the other side. As we were about to hang up I told her I was going to send her a surprise shortly. I had to be quick as in a few hours she would have checked in to the retreat and would no longer have access to any means of electronic communication.

As a show of moral support I vowed to go on a period of chastity for the duration of her stay.

I sent this pic to her and she was amazed at my gesture. She instantly called me and expressed her shock and surprise. I explained to her that she would be giving up a lot of modern comforts for the duration of her stay. I wanted to express my support and solidarity to her and I thought this would be a perfect way to do it.

Dinner Party

Date of occurrence : 13-Mar-12   

Miss called me in the evening to have a bit of a chat. She told me she was having a dinner party at her house and was hosting 8 guests. That sounded like it would require a lot of cooking. I asked her what was on the menu. She listed a long list of items that I now have no recollection of. One item did stick out though...a whole 'Rabbit'. Miss seems to be an adventurous cook as rabbit is not the most conventional item on a dinner table. I was pretty impressed by the overall menu that she had for the night.

Being a submissive who is raring to please his Miss real time, my mind was immediately cast to the potential opportunity that was at hand. I am sure a houseboy to clean up and do the dishes after her party would have been very handy. But of course I was several hundred miles away in another city :(

This is one those frustrating things about a long distance/online arrangement. Miss is a very busy lady and so it makes it even harder to talk to her. When we do talk it is for very brief moments. Just as we were talking about the dinner, our conversation was cut short by the door bell. I had just enough to say "enjoy your dinner"

Voicemail

Date of occurrence : 12-Mar-12   

Miss called me in the afternoon. Unfortunately I was in the shower and missed her call. I called right back but there was no answer. I was pleasantly surprised to see there was a voicemail. She had left a message giving me some feedback on the blog posts and also some simple advise to help me do my work more efficiently. She advised that using two hands to type rather than one would help me be more productive.

I sent her an email thanking her for her feedback and her advise :)

Hello Miss, I was so disappointed to have missed your call in the afternoon. I called right back but there was no answer. Thanks for leaving a voice mail though. It was very nice to get positive feedback from you about the blog. I do realise there is so much catching up to do. I am making a spreadsheet of all the significant events that need to go on the blog and the corresponding dates. That will help me keep track of things. Also your advise about 2 hands being better than 1 is well understood :) very difficult to control those feelings. Anyway, I know I must stay focussed on the blog and get to current date as quickly as possible.

Locked Up

Date of occurrence : 11-Mar-12   

The picture of Miss holding a used condom had me delirious with arousal for most of yesterday. I was working on the blog and simultaneously jerking off. This was affecting my work and causing me to slow down. Miss was keen that I concentrate on the blog and get it up to date as soon as possible. As she could not trust me to control my shameless instincts she decided to take control of things. So, early this morning I a text from Miss woke me up.


Miss: typing w one hand is probably slowing you down maybe you should wear the device when you journal to help concentrate
dont let your little brain your little sex organ overtake your big brain your big sex organ


Miss: tell me when you have the device on


Me: Your text woke me up. I did not even have to read it. As soon as I saw it was from you I couldn't help stroking. Big brain is totally consumed by images of you getting pleasured. And small brain can't help itself.


Me: Yes Miss. May I do it later today?


Miss: why later?


Me: I thought I would go back to sleep now. Then later shave down there before putting it on.


Miss: yes


Me: Thank you Miss. That's very kind of you :) I started the blog and made an introduction post last night. Will add more today

Later that afternoon



Miss: shave yet?

Me: Sorry for the delay Miss. I just finished shaving. Having trouble locking up. Using an ice pack to shrink it.

I was just too aroused for the ice to have any effect. Since Miss did not give me any explicit instruction to not cum, I thought I would masturbate to release some of my pent up frustration. After I came, I finally got myself locked in.

Locked up for Miss

A closer look

I sent the above pics to Miss via MMS and also owned up to my orgasm.

Me: Oh...I had to tell you. The ice was not much use. I had to cum to shrink it. I am much calmer now and able to get some work done. Added another post to blog. 

I couldn't however stay calm for too long. Her pic had me totally hypnotized and the slightest recollection of it would cause immense and uncontrollable arousal. Later that evening I text her again.

Me: I feel like stroking my cock. But I can't :(

I recieved no acknowledgment for the above

Then, much later in the night, before I was about to hit the bed, I text her again.

Me: Miss may I take it off before going to bed?

Miss: if you stop texting about your hard ons :p

Me: I only do that to let you know how desperate & horny you make me feel. I thought you would have liked to know the effect your liaisons have on me. Sorry if that annoys you.

Me: With your permission I will take it off now. I promise no more texts about my shameless masturbation. Instead I will journal about it. Once again I apologise. Was never my intention to annoy you.

Miss: ta
yes you may
good start on journal

Me: Thank you Miss. Glad you like it. I will add more tomorrow. I am really enjoying doing this for you.

So, with her permission I was released for the night.


Although Miss was very kind to have accepted my instant apology for annoying her with constant and immature messages about hard ons and jerk off sessions, I thought I would send her a follow up email expressing my deepest apologies.

Hello Miss,

I know you have already accepted my apology over the constant messaging. Thank you for that. I just hope that this does not stop you from sending me pics like that again. That would be a huge disappointment for me. Its these pics that fuel my passion and make me go deeper into submission to you.I sent those out of impulse. Considering we are in a long distance arrangement, I found that to be the only way to instantly tell you how I feel at certain precise moments. The arousal that I feel from those pics is what drives my submission and I come over with instant need to bare my mind to you.

Anyway,  I have learnt my lesson and the mistake wont be repeated. So I hope I continue to see more pics of similar or any other kind. 

Used Condom II

Date of occurrence : 10-Mar-12   


Late in the evening, while at work, I received a message from Miss. It was an MMS message with another pic of her. Took me a couple of seconds to register what she was holding in her hand. As was the case last time, I was no better prepared this time either. She had used condom full of cum in a zip lock bag.


I was beside myself. I was still at work and felt so frustrated. All I wanted to do now was masturbate without a care in the world. I texted back and thanked her so much for sharing this with me again. I also let her know about my frustrations with this text messages


Me: Oh Miss...that is so HOT!! Took me a while to realise whats in the packet. Are those fresh? O and you look sexy as always. Wish I was home right now. You know what I would be doing :)


Fortunately I did not have long to go before work ended for the night. I drove home and it wasn’t long before I was fully naked at home tugging my cock. I sent this Text message to Miss


Me: Just got home...can't stop masturbating. You are amazing Miss!!!


As I played with my cock I imagined Miss getting pleasured and giving pleasure in all sorts of ways.


As I masturbate, this is how I fantasized about Miss getting her pleasure.


Miss orders me to go to the corner of the bedroom and sit there totally naked. I am so fortunate that she is letting me watch her get pleasured by her lover. She has also very graciously allowed me to masturbate as I watch. But I do not have permission to cum. She was very serious about not cumming so I knew I had to be careful. As I quietly sit in the corner on the floor they get to it as if I don’t exist.


She gives deep passionate kisses to her lover as he lifts her dress from behind and plays with her soft and curvy ass. Then she goes down on her knees and unzips him. She pulls that cock out and her sweet lips are locked around his big hard cock; sucking it in as deep as she could. Without getting into much detail; they fuck in all sorts of position. Her constant moans are fuelling my arousal. I am taken to the edge several times and have to slow down lest I have an accidental ejaculation without her permission.


My favourite position is of her getting pounded doggy style. She is on all fours; her lovers lines himself up and with one long thrust goes all in. She lets out a long and passionate moan and arches her back in pleasure. He grabs her by the hair and starts pounding her.  Like this.

Her moans coincide with the slapping sound of their bodies as he fucks her balls deep. The fucking gets harder and faster. Her moans get louder and more frequent.


He gently pushes her head down into the bed. Now Miss has her face buried into the mattress. She is facing towards me but not looking at me. Her eyes are closed; her face contorted in pleasure; her sweet lips wide open in an O letting out beautiful moans of ecstasy. Like this.

His fucking was relentless. Miss was nearing her orgasm. He kept going and finally Miss had an explosive orgasm. Her body was convulsing in pleasure. He kept fucking. She would have collapsed on the bed were it not for lover holding her hip up. A few seconds later he let out a loud grunt and came inside Miss. He let go and as Miss went down he collapsed on top her. They lay they there taking deep breaths and heaving sighs of satisfaction.


I had to summon all my self control to not cum. As Miss came down from her heights of pleasure she noticed me still masturbating in the corner to maintain my erection. The smile on her face was just divine. She looked up at me and asked “enjoy the show cucky boy?” and let out a chuckle. “Yes Miss. Thank You” I replied. They both looked at me and shared a chuckle. I looked down in humiliation but kept masturbating.


I heard them kiss each other. I looked up and saw them exchange soft, gentle post orgasmic kisses. Miss then went for his cock and carefully took the condom off; careful not to lose any of the precious load. As she walked towards me with the condom in her hand, my heart started racing in anticipation and my masturbation became even more furious.


She stopped about a foot away from me and just looked down at me in amusement. Dangling the condom above me she asked so sweetly “does cucky boy want his treat?”


“Yes please Miss…Thank You” I manage to stutter and open my mouth in expectation.


She toys with me and teases me by bringing the condom close to my gaping mouth and then pulling it way. Her giggling is priceless and adds to my humiliation. Finally she turns it upside own with the open end right at entrance of my mouth. She squeezes all the cum out (it was big load). She orders me not to swallow and squeezes multiple times to make sure every drop possible is drained out into my mouth.


I almost gag at the taste but manage to hold it in. She tells me keep my mouth open and continue jerking off. She gives me permission to cum and tells me that as I am cumming I must swallow the load in my mouth. My masturbation quickens to a fever pitch, I have been on the edge for a while now and it doesn’t take me long to explode all over the floor between her feet. I simultaneously swallow with a distasteful grimace.


After I swallow I let out a moan of satisfaction from my orgasm. As I calm down and gain some composure, I say the most sincere “Thank You Miss”. She is pleased and says ‘Good boi”. Those two words are music to my years. As a submissive I have always loved being called a good boi whenever I have pleased my Dominant.


“You have some more clean up work to do”


“Yes Miss”…I get on all fours and lick my cum off the floor. This was actually a lot more unpleasant that swallowing her lover’s cum. When swallowing his load I was still turned on by the pre orgasm arousal. Post orgasm it is a lot harder to make yourself swallow male ejaculation. Nevertheless, I completed my task and thanked her again. I lay long and passionate kisses of gratitude to her feet. She patted my head gently and again called me a ‘good boi’. It instantly brought a broad smile to my face and I looked up to her and said “Thank You Miss”


She bent down and held my face between her hands and gave me the gentlest yet caring kiss on my forehead. As she id this she also lightly patted my left cheek with her right hand. I was in subspace heaven. This is the reward I live for as a submissive.





A note to readers:

The above is what I fantasised about while I masturbated at home. It did not really happen. The pictures have been randomly (yet appropriately) picked from the internet. They are not pictures of Miss.



About 3 hours after I texted Miss that I was masturbating, she replied back and we had this brief exchange of text messages.

Miss: difficult to do w device ;)


Hinting that I should lock myself in the CB6000 she saw me in earlier today. I was afraid this would happen.


Me: That would be so frustrating. I'm still jerking and typing with one hand.


Me: Trying to get the blog done in between the stroking.


A little after this I went to bed as I was tired. I managed to hold my cum despite the prolonged masturbation session. I wanted to have a more explosive orgasm tomorrow.

The First Post...Blog is Born

Date of occurrence : 09-Mar-12   

After finally coming to a conclusion on how the blog must be presented, the blog finally took its shape as you see today. I made the first backdated post on 09-Mar (Introduction). 

For the second post I would be talking about my chastity experience. So I sent Miss a pic of myself in chastity that I had taken for the Mistress who was managing my chastity two years ago.

Locked up for Training 2 years ago

Miss loved the pic and agreed that it should go on the blog. It is the same pic you would have seen in the post (The Beginning). To my delight she called me soon after and started talking about the device. She was under the impression I had lifted the picture off the product manufacturer website. I assured her it was me and she was quite thrilled about that. I also realised I could soon be confined in it as Miss now knows I own a CB6000. Did I secretly want to be locked up by Miss? I think I did.

Feedback

Date of occurrence : 08-Mar-12  

The feedback from Miss to my revised draft was very positive. That is exactly how she was the blog to look like. She also agreed that it should start right from the beginning when I first made contact with her. She wanted me to include everything we had talked about and discussed leading up to this point including the confusion about the form this blog should take.

The feedback that stands out personally for is her reaction to the pic I sent here.

These were her exact words

"like the third :) the pic does make me smile now too"

This meant more to me than anything else. As a sub I live for this kind positive feedback.

Face Time

Date of occurrence : 08-Mar-12  


I saw a post on Miss's journal today

"missing face time with dedicated subs :( will see you soon!"


How I long for some face time with Miss. I know if I keep up the good work so far, Miss will reward me with a visit. Until that happens, I must be patient and keep Miss happy :)

Revised Draft

Date of occurrence : 07-Mar-12  

So I went to the drawing board and composed another draft. This time from my 'point of view'. There were still some questions and doubts in my mind. I was still unsure of what the starting point for the blog would be. So I went back all the way to the beginning...the point in time when I first saw her requirement for a writer and applied for the position. With this mind I sent another email with potentially the first 3 posts for the blog.


Revised raft


Post 1


It all began when I answered a requirement for a journal sub posted by a Female Dominant on one of the BDSM sites. From here on I will be referrering to her as 'Miss'.


Thankfully she was impressed by what I had to offer and awarded me the job. I was obviously very excited about the opportunity and also flattered that she picked me over others that may have applied.


Her first assignment for me was to review an online diary called Maria's Diary. The theme of the diary as I found later was Femdom (expectedly) with a strong emphasis on extreme cuckolding. For nine days since I first started reading, it was a constant source of arousal and frustration at the same time.


===================================================


Post 2


Three days into the review Miss requested that I write a bit about my own fantasies, specifically in relation to Maria's Diary.


"Copy relevant extract from email sent on Collarme"


===================================================


Post 3


Miss was feeling rather down today. I wish I could have done something to make Miss feel better. Considering that she lives very far away in another city I felt rather helpless. In any case I thought I should make some effort to cheer her up. First I bought a bunch of bright yellow flowers. Then I wrote a note for Miss on a sheet of paper. I setup my camera on a tripod so I could take a picture of myself. Then holding the flowers and note in my hands I took a picture.


I texted the picture to Miss and hoped it went some way to make her smile. I was afraid she might think it was a silly thing to do but unfortunately under the circumstances I was unable to do more. Anyway, to my delight Miss texted back later and I was really pleased to see that she returned a smile back...made me smile too :-)


'Attach pic to blog'

The Miracle Dress

Date of occurrence : 06-Mar-12  

As I browsing the internet, I came across a picture of Kate Winslet wearing this amazing dress. I thought it would look amazing on Miss's hourglass figure. They call it the 'Miracle Dress' because it makes you look as if you have lost 10 pounds. Of course Miss does not require the miracle of this dress to make her look sexy, but it couldn't hurt :)

Unexpected POV

Date of occurrence : 05-Mar-12

After reviewing my draft that I submitted to her, Miss called me to discuss details. She liked what I had written but wanted it to be written from my point of view. This came as a total surprise to me as it was not what I was expecting.

Of course it made more sense as I would never have been able to convey her thoughts and feelings in writing as I could do my own. But this was going to be very new to me. I am a very private person and have never really commented much online let alone journalled (even under the cloud of anonymity). All of a sudden my most private, intimate and depraved fantasies would be bared for anyone to read.

This made me nervous but at the same time also got me very excited. Now I would be able to say whatever came to mind. Although I will be anonymous to the rest of the world, Miss knows who I am and she will have the most in depth knowledge into my mind. She could potentially use this in any way to her advantage and drive me very deep into submission to her. This is very scary...However, the perverted bastard I am, the thought of being wrapped around her little finger gets me incredibly aroused :)

I thanked Miss for making me do this.

Miss in Hospital

Date of occurrence : 04-Mar-12 

Miss was wasn't feeling well today. She was going to be hospitalised for a day. She was also going to be on medication for 2 weeks with regular follow ups with the doctor.

Once again, a feeling of helplessness came over me. Anyway, as is my style, I sent her a text message with a picture and wished her a quick recovery

Me: Another silly gesture :) wish I could do more. Unfortunately for now this is all I can offer.

Miss: i was hoping for one of your lovely photos :)


Me: Glad you like it Miss. Wish I could see that smile on your face for real :) 

I was so pleased to know that not only did she like it, but that she was also expecting me to do something like this.

First Draft

Date of occurrence : 03-Mar-12   

At this stage, I was unsure of the exact format for the blog that Miss had in mind. My initial understanding was that it would be conveying Miss's thoughts, feelings etc in relation to her experience as a cuckoldress. Much like Marias Diary, I expected that she would want this blog to be written in first person context from her point of view.

I was keen to get the blog going and therefore took the initiative to write her a draft post for the blog. I would submit this for her to review and see how she felt about it. Therefore, based on the above assumption, I wrote a draft piece from her perspective. This would require that I got into her head and also demanded that I make up feelings and emotions for her as I tried to describe her experiences. I did have my reservations about this as I did not believe I would be able to portray an accurate picture of her feelings.

Anyway, I thought I would make an attempt and see how it goes. Here is the email I sent to her along with the draft. I chose to pick a scenario where Miss picks up a date and later calls the cuck to listen in on her. You will see a mention of this situation in an earlier post 'Cuckolded by Phone'



Hello Miss,


As promised here is my draft journal post. I meant to send it earlier but just had a busy day. Anyway, I based it on the email that you thought would make a good journal post. I am unsure of the kind of narrative you wish to use for the journal i.e. first person, third person or in fact first person from the perspective of your writer (me)…like a biography.


I am guessing you would like it to be in first person just likes Maria’s Diary. Only problem for me is that I would need to imagine what feelings and thoughts you may have been going through at various stages. I would like to apologise in advance if the below draft portrays you in a way that you do not approve. Without knowing the kind of person you are I have had to make a lot of assumptions about how you would go about getting a date. I think this could be a good starting point to see what you like and don’t like. We could then fine tune it to get it right.


So here is my first shot at it.



=======================================================================


It was another day of travelling in my busy professional life. This time, work brought me to Brisbane. I’ve always liked coming to Brisbane, so much so that I bought a neat little holiday apartment here. After a busy day, I felt like unwinding a little and thought I would head to the local pub for a bite to eat and some drinks.


I always like to dress to impress but at the same also like my attire to be appropriate for the situation. I chose a nice figure hugging black dress. It has very short sleeves, a deep neck line that does not reveal much cleavage and finishes about 3-4” inches above the knee. What I love about this the most is the way it hugs my sensuous hour-glass body and accentuates my perfect curves. It gets me all the attention I crave without being over the top.


The tight fit mean I go without a bra. The sight of bra straps poking from underneath a dress totally kills the sophisticated and classy look I like to project. For my underwear I wore my tiniest lace G-strings. They were so tiny that they literally were no more than a lace patch and barely covered my pussy. I then slipped on a pair of black 4 inch peep toe mules. I checked myself in the mirror and loved what I saw.


The pub was quite busy for Thursday and had a local rock n roll band playing some of their own production. Thankfully there were still a couple of free tables. I spotted one past the bar. There were some guys standing by the bar trying to order drinks. I walked towards the table with a bit of sway in my stride, clicking my heels on the hard wood floor. I didn’t have to look, but as I walked past them, their eyes were all transfixed to my perfect peachy butt. As I got to the table I stood there as if undecided, just to give the guys a few extra seconds to ogle my derriere.


I pulled the chair that was facing the bar and sat down. I looked up towards the bar and I saw four heads instantly look away. I knew I had already been mentally stripped by each one of them. It gave me a tingle in my nipples and brought a smirk to my face. I realise I will need to be careful and not get too excited. My sensitive and perky nipples would easily show through this dress if I got carried away.


I ordered some fish n chips and some white wine. The meal was for most part uneventful. I found myself reflecting over the day and thinking ahead about my meeting with a client. It wasn’t long before I ha finished my well enjoyed meal. I was still enjoying the music and decided to hang out at the pub a little. I took my glass of wine and headed towards the band where a few people were standing around and others moving to the music.


As I stood there tapping my feet to the music, I noticed a rather cute guy standing across the floor, looking at me. It was a weeknight; I had an early start and a busy day tomorrow. Needless to say, despite my efforts to look sexy, I was not here to pick up anyone for the night.


But his smile was irresistible. I couldn’t help return eye contact and give him a positive sexual vide. Not long after he approached me and said “hello”. He had a nice husky voice and well toned athletic body; although not very tall. I felt a rush standing next to him. We introduced ourselves and he offer to get me a refill. We ha polite conversation and not much happened for the next three tracks.


The next track was a real catchy number. It sure got the locals going and a lot mote people hit the little floor in front of the stage. It got crowded and it pushed us a little closer. We started dancing along with the rest. Half through the song, I turned around with my back to him and really moved my hips around. I knew he would love the view. He inched closer and put his hands on my hips. We gradually moved into each other until his crotch made full contact with my soft hips. To say he was ‘happy to see me’ would be an understatement. OMG, he was rock hard and huge. I could feel the thickness right through his denim.


We kept this up for a bit, trying not to be crass about it. My nipples were starting to poke out and my pussy was throbbing. I turned around, put my arms around him and pushed into him;. My breasts were pressed into his chest and his big hard cock was poking into my stomach. It was all I could do to keep my hands off his crotch. My mind was racing. I wanted to wrap my lips around that cock and suck it; take it in a deep as I could; I was ripping now. The little lacy patch of panties was soaked and I could even feel some juices spill out onto my inner thighs.


We couldn’t stay here too long. I needed him now; I wanted kiss him passionately and I wanted him to fuck me…fuck me deep, long and hard…ughhh...I was grunted with lust internally. I managed to stay calm and seductively invited him to my apartment. His grin said it all. He couldn’t believe his luck; picking up a hot and horny chick in a local pub on a weeknight.


We literally rushed to my apartment which was just a block away. As we got into the elevator we kissed passionately for the first time. We felt each other all over but still managed to keep it civil. As we reached my floor, we disengaged from our embrace and calmed down...for a bit, until we entered my apartment. Now there was no holding back. He pulled me tight, kissing me and lifting my dress my up he squeezed my buttocks.


We went straight for my bed. He pulled my dressed over my head and there I stood just in my soaked little patch of lace. He took his shirt off and I got down on my knees to take his belt off. I opened his fly and pulled his cock out of his jocks. Wow!!! It was huge…I had to suck this cock. I lay wet kisses on it and then slowly took it into my mouth. Inch by inch I took more and more of his cock until I had about 6 inches of his 8 in my mouth. I kept sucking for a bit longer until I had my fill. Now I was ready to be fucked.


I slipped off my panties and tossed them aside. I got on the bed, spread my legs open for him and said Fuck Me! That is all the invitation he did. As he was getting ready to fuck my brains out, I made a call on my cell phone. I was calling my cuckold. The lucky bitch was going to listen to me get fucked. How fortunate for him that he gets to listen to my moans and screams of orgasmic pleasure, while he sits on the other end of the line and play with his little dick.


My lover was bemused but too horny to care. He slipped on a condom and pointed his fat cock towards waiting pussy. I took a deep breath as the head touched my warm entrance. He pushed in and as the big head slipped through I let out a loud cry of pleasure. As he rocked in and out of me we got into a rhythm. We changed positions a couple of time; cowgirl; reverse cowgirl and finally my favourite…doggy style. As he fucked me like a bitch, I moaned and screamed like one. He fucked me hard and fast and I was get really close to cumming.


A few more thrusts and I was in heaven. I let out a long guttural scream and came hard; my pussy pulsating on his rock hard cock. This was all a bit too much for him and got soon after he came inside me. We lay there for a while as we came down from our post orgasmic bliss. He was still inside me and my pussy was squeezing every bit of cum from his balls into the condom.


Without saying a word I ended the call. The cuck had heard enough to have helped him to an orgasm of his own. I pulled away from my lover and he slipped out. He went to take the condom off but I stopped him. I carefully slipped it off cautious not to spill any of his precious seed. There was quite a load in there and I very pleased to see that. My lucky cuck is going to get a tasty treat in the mail.


The end.